Sadie…

My sweet girl passed yesterday so forgive me if I’m sappy and extremely emotional, because I don’t know how to do life without her.  I feel as if a limb is missing, as if my heart will never feel normal again, as if my world is spinning out of control.

I’ve never had a dog so loyal, so loving, and so precious, or who loved so unconditionally. The feral kitty (Wild) loved her and would seek her out to cuddle with – but who couldn’t love such a humble and forgiving being.

I put all I had into healing her for these past months, knowing she was sick, but not able to even comprehend her loss, I spent a fortune on remedies, medications, naturopathic doctors and allopathic vets.  Anything that I could do, I did.  But it only extended the inevitable.  She was sick and it was beyond anything I could mend.

I’m not absolutely sure why the loss of a beloved pet is so tragic, perhaps it is the love you receive from them is endless and unconditional – that when you come home, your sweet friend is more excited to see you than any human could ever be.  Or, maybe it is because all they seem to want is to be near you.  To be with you, by your side, at your feet, in the car, at your desk.  To be there in case you need a sweet kiss on the face, or a paw to comfort.  I’ve always believed that they speak through the heart/soul… because without words, it’s their only method of communication. I wonder if that is why they touch us so deeply – or maybe, it’s because they are so reliant on us as caregivers. They are like children.

I only know that I will never recover from this loss.  In all of my years of having animals, not one has delved so deeply into my heart and soul as Sadie did.  We had a special love that was beyond anything I’d experienced before.  Dogs are wonderful creatures, but there is always that special one… that one that just gets you and loves you for what seems is beyond the dimension of canine love – and that is always there for you, period.  Sadie was that girl.  She was humble, timid, respectful, and never ever asked me for anything.

What I am feeling is the definition of grief.  I would give up 10 years of my life to see her and smell her again.

To those of you who understand this kind of loss, I am sorry for you.  It has me reeling and I know that each day that passes it might get easier, but I’ll never, ever have another Sadie to love and to love me.  I will miss her until I am gone, and I can only hope I will see her again in another space and time.

I have so  many questions as to why this is so excruciatingly painful, and whether or not I get any relief or explanation, the real answer is, she is gone. My life will never be the same.